It’s the morning after the house fire and Anna and Mrs Hughes are brushing ashes from the crispy remnants of Edith’s belongings. Under the soggy pillow, Anna finds a picture of a baby. We’re pretty sure Mrs Hughes has understood there was a baby hidden in this plotline all along, because as she herself declared in Season Two, she may not be a woman of the world but she doesn’t live in a sack! Also, who looks guiltier than Edith? No one, that’s who.
The War Memorial Committee trundles around town discussing the merits of various possible sites, all conveniently owned by Lord Grantham’s dynasty. Team Cricket Field (with Mister Carson at bat) argues for building the memorial, rather inconveniently, smack in the middle of the town’s cricket field, which we use to play cricket every year. While Team Town Square (with Robert leading) wants the memorial, quite conveniently, in the center of the village. Marm and Lillian, for the record, even though it means agreeing with Robert, prefer the village location because, duh.
|the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker|
|Same to you dude|
|I'll make you so proud, Mr Carson!|
|Nom nom nom Edith is a blockhead nom|
|Might wanna sleep with one eye open Mary|
|Yes, sketching! I love sketching!|
|Just smile and nod|
|What is wrong with you?|
That night Mary asks Anna to rustle her up something to, you know, protect against the consequences of...sketching, and of course that’s something Anna just cannot wait to do for Mary. Feel free to pile some more humiliation on Anna, Your Ladyship. She lives to serve.
|Let's talk about SEX!|
When Anna recovers enough to speak, she carefully suggests that perhaps Lord Gillingham could manage that department, but Mary, thinking sensibly for once, prefers to be the boss of her own baby farm. With Anna pulling the plow, of course.
Anna is all, remember the last time you..you know… with that Turkish diplomat and he died in your bed and your mother and I helped carry his vile naked corpse across the house, then I spent ten years wading through the sea of sh*t you brought down on all our heads and my husband went to jail for murder and we gave up every penny we had to save your reputation? Remember that? No? All right then, as long as you’re sure about this.
Anna tiptoes into Walgreens and slips off her glove so the pharmacy clerk can see the wedding ring on her trembly hand, and holds out Mary’s copy of “Sex and the Single Girl” open to the description of the Mystery Family Planning Device selected by Mary.
|He liked it so he put a ring on it|
The snarky clerk, who clearly used to be a high school health teacher, gives Anna the evil eye and suggests instead an aspirin to hold between her knees. Luckily for Mary, Anna manages to wrench the offending object from the clerk’s judgy hands and flees, pitching some change over her shoulder as she dodges out the door.
|Judgey Wudgey was a pharmacist|
|Does anyone else have deja vu?|
|Tea for |
Charles Blake, after being dismissed by Mary, brings an acquaintance, art historian Simon Bricker, to Downton to see some ratty old painting he’s interested in, and incidentally to berate Mary for ignoring him for most of last year. Mary chips off an icy little apology for breaking his heart, but we think Charles dodged a bullet. Save yourself, Charles! Run!
|Lol, sry 4 Ur loss|
Mister Bricker suggests that Downton is home to some very beautiful works of art, including Cora! Cora is flustered by Mister Bricker’s open admiration. Robert has been so boorish lately that we are happy for her. Mister Bricker certainly is charming! Robert certainly is a noob! You go girl!
|Was your father an artist? Because you are a masterpiece!|
|Art was my favorite subject in school, teehee!|
But at bedtime Robert is all bent because Mister Bricker is much more sophisticated than he is, and even worse, has the audacity to be friendly to Isis. Robert is so dense he didn't realize that Bricker was hitting on his wife. There is nothing more inexcusable, Robert grouses, than a man who flirts with another man’s dog!
|What am I? Chopped liver?|
Rose, desperate for
|Does Otter box sell a case for these?|
|Just busta move!|
God save our gracious king
Long live our noble king
God save the king
Send him victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
|God Save the King|
|Everyone thinks I'm a jerk|
|Perhaps you could try not BEING a jerk|
The local constable drops by Downton to say, so remember that time that guy got squashed by a bus and everybody thought it was an accident? Well darned if a witness didn’t come forward and tell us she heard Dead Mr Green bellyaching about being treated badly while he was here at the Abbey. Got any
|Take a bite outta crime|
Meanwhile Mary arrives in Liverpool for her
|You can keep your hat on|
Links By Lillian
Editing by Marm
Captions by Marm and Lillian
NEXT RECAP, MY BOYFRIENDS BACK