Thursday, January 9, 2014

Downton Abbey Recap, Where There's a Will There's a Way

To catch up on reading season 3 recaps 

Season 4


This post is brought to you by DogButt. DogButt, caring for all your DogButt needs since 2011

Its Awful Edna's first week back at Downton Abbey (we don't have to call her Braithwaite now, do we?)  Thomas slithers in to try to get on her good side. You never know when you will need a lady's maid in your pocket! Anna warns Edna to watch out since Thomas is a Sneaky Sneak.  Anna doesn't know that Edna is already a level 85 Sneaky Sneak, and would make an unbeatable partner in crime for Thomas.

Yeah whatever.  I do what I want
A mysterious Amazon  package arrives for Mary, but it's actually just a box of crap from the bottom drawer of his old desk "at work." WHAT? Matthew hasn't been "to work" since dead Lavinia died! Or before that, even.  If anyone remembers him going to work, please tell us when it was.  (Or if you remember them going to Disneagle besides that one time, or any other dopey cricket games.)

Oh goody, a box of trash
But it's not trash! In the box is another box, and in that box is a book, and in the book is a letter and the letter is... MATTHEW'S WILL! HURRAY! Robert frowns and doesn't know what to do so he runs to his mommy for advice. His idea is to pretend the whole thing never even happened but Violet says no.  He is fidgety because he wants to be the Lord of the Realm but Violet tells him to quit being such a big man-baby. 

I just want to throw it in the fire  

Anna spots Molesley who is laboring as some kind of hot tar pounder or village road whacker, just like an episode of Dirty Jobs.  Evidently NO ONE IN THE WORLD needs a butler or a valet, or at least not one like Molesley, and he owes money all over town.  Poor luckless Molesley, we hope no loan shark comes to break his kneecaps.  When Anna admits that she is sad for Molesley, Bates (only the best boyfriend EVER) knows just what to do!

Hi, I'm Mike Rowe 
I can fix that! No more sadness for you ever!
Robert reads the will (or will-ish letter thing) to the family and it is so sweet that we (Mary, Marm and I) all cry real tears. Matthew did want Mary to inherit his half of the estate which could have been a really tender moment if Robert didn't immediately start bellyaching about having to share.

My husband is still dead
Robert responds to the joyful news by being a big cranky jackass at dinner. He is SO mean to Mary, even for him. He says she needs to know tax law and animal husbandry and advanced economics.  Not surprisingly everyone else tells him how WRONG he is and sides with Mary. Yay Mary! Yay MATTHEW, who wasn't a dingdong after all!

Robert you are wrong

Yep totally wrong

Violet decides that Tom should be Mary's teacher about farms and farmy stuff.  We like Tom much better now that he's not an anarchist, because between the three of them, they might be able to keep that circus clown Robert from bungling the family fortune. Again. 

sheeps and stuff

Teen Rose is in her bedroom in PAJAMAS reading fashion magazines, listening to records and generally wishing somebody would invent iPhones, Facebook and Instagram. There isn't any story here but HOW CUTE IS SHE? Ok, next scene.

Mr Bates has a solid gold plan to get Molesley's signature.  Using his executive level prison skillz, he forges "J. Molesley" on an I.O.U that says Bates owes him thirty pounds (generously donated by Violet) (pounds are money, although we don't know how much. MATH. Look it up.)  He invites Molesley over for tea at the big house.  Molesley is SUPER suspicious.

Why are you being nice to me?

Oh no reason! Kthnxbye!

Forgery is a handy dandy talent
So here's this old envelope full of money I forgot to give back to you

House Hunters International - London 

Michael's London bachelor flat is a page right out of Architectural Digest, but filled with messy bookshelves and  modern art.  He tries to persuade Edith not to go back to Downton until tomorrow

I spy, a sculpture of boobs.
Rose convinces her former dance buddy Anna to go a working class hoe-down in York as her babysitter chaperone.  Come on, it'll be so fun!

Gosh Anna thanks for coming with--hey look, boys!

You can call me Cinderella
Jimmy is in York on an errand for Mrs Patmore and sees them go into the dance.  He drags Anna out on the floor to keep an eye on Rose and her new farmhand admirer.  Unfortunately, Rose is a little too popular and a calamity ensues.  Jimmy, who's not much for fighting, hustles the two girls out the side door to the sound of police whistles and all we can think of is, did they remember to get their coats?

Bar fight!
Rose's new friend Sam drops by Downton that same night to visit her.  Anna dashes upstairs to grab Rose and stuff her into a maid's uniform, so she can be a servant just long enough to give Mr Right Now a working class brush-off.

Sorry, Prince Charming, but you gotta bounce 
Mary and Tom tell Robert that there's a new sheriff in town named Mary-with-Tom's-help.

Surprise, I'm an heiress

Can I still keep my dog?

Awful Edna burns a big hole in one of Cora's blouses and per Thomas's instructions, dumps the blame on Anna.  Of course this seems entirely plausible to both Robert and Cora, who have handily forgotten that Bates gave up his inheritance and quietly WENT TO PRISON to protect the Crawley family from any breath of scandal.  And that Anna helped drag Dead Mr Pamouk across the whole dang house and kept her lip buttoned, to save their upper class arse.   Naturally she burned that stupid blouse  because she's jealous of Cora's maid.  Better nip that in the bud!

Oh did I just giggle out loud?
So, because we love Mr Carson we decided to give this feeble storyline one paragraph.   Seems he had a crush on a girl named Alice, way back the day, but she gave him the heave-ho for Charlie Grigg, and Mr Carson [who we suspect was once a nerd] has hated him all these years. Mrs Hughes (bless her selfless heart) persuades him to at least go say goodbye because Isobel found Charlie Grigg a job in Ireland.  

I've kept this picture of Alice's mother all these years
She liked you best

Ok, two paragraphs.  The two old Charlies settle their hash, and Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes walk home together.  We still have hope for those two.

Recap and jokes by Lillian, 
Editing and more jokes by Jenny


  1. Awww...that farm guy was a hottie. Rose should have strung him along.

  2. Can't wait to see the Battle Royale ensue between Terrible Thomas and Unethical Edna versus Angelic Anna and Best Bet Bates! Great job, lovely ladies��

    1. Renee, we need to put you in charge of alliterative nicknames. Yours are topnotch!


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