Anybody Can Do Anything
Especially Lillian

Downton Abbey, Season 4

Episode 1

Last Season's recaps







Hello again, fellow Dogbutt fans, We regret to inform you that this episode has a noticeable LACK of Dogbutt. We are currently doing everything we can correct this egregious situation. Please forgive the inconvenience.
Yours, DogButt Recap Team.

Night at the Abbey.  Someone is...packing.  Writing a note.  Stealing away in the wee hours.  It’s Bad-Weave O’Brien!  Why, that thankless scoundrel--she ran off with Mrs Shrimpy to live in hot sweaty India.  I guess living under the constant threat of being exposed as a baby killer made her want to skip town.  It was only a matter of time before she and Thomas came to blows.

Ding Dong the witch is DEAD! Which old witch? O'Brien! The staff is glad that she is gone, since 100% of no one liked her, even Alfred. Jimmy is all GOOD FOR HER, working here is the pits anyway. Everyone agrees being the nanny would be the worst job in the world, and not just because of old-timey diapers.

Jimmy and Thomas both hate working in service and that's why they are besties

Ew, other people's children

You can't sit with us

Everyone makes Rose feel super guilty for having a dirty rotten maid-stealing mother, and Edith is all WELL FINE I'll just put an ad up on Craigslist. Rose has a light-bulb moment and decides to post a help-wanted sign in the village. 

Must be proficient in scheming and troublemaking

My husband is dead

Thomas pinches baby Sybbie's cheeks and the new Nasty Nanny West slaps his hand away. Between the two of them, we're not sure whom we dislike more. Nanny West is obviously Evil but Thomas is totally the worst.

Tom and Robert wander around the estate and talk about how Matthew never made a will, even though he was a lawyer and had also just watched Sybil die.  Seriously: heir fail! Robert plans on going right back to his old investment plan, which is, lose all the money and die poor. 

MOAR MONEY FOR TRAINS

It’s Valentine’s Day!  Anna and Mr Bates are totes adorbs.  They exchange secret Valentines and kiss in the passage while birdies and hearts fly around their heads. Daisy gets one and hopes it's from Alfred, and Ivy hopes hers is from Jimmy. Oops! Alfred really sent Ivy's,  and Mrs Patmore, bless her heart, sent Daisy's so she would have something to open. Jimmy sent one to someone outside of Downton so WE DON'T CARE. 

Cute

Darling

Smoochie

This is going to be way less romantic when I find out it's from my boss

Mary is using mourning as sufficient reason to be extra mean to Edith, aside from all her other reasons, like Edith having the gall to be born.

Oh did you get a valentine?

Yes!

My husband is dead

Violet plans to help Mr Molesley find a job as a butler to her pal Lady Shamrock, but her weird butler Spooky Eyes Spratt thinks Molesley is trying to steal HIS job. Lady Sharkbait says isn't it JUST SO SAD how many people have to do jobs they are so obviously bad at, like you Mr Molesley.  Mr Spratt succeeds in making Molesley look like a big doofus, and Lady Shoeshine does NOT hire him. Poor Molesley. 

Watch your back

What? Why?

Because I'm going to hand you a white hot chafing dish

ow ow ow

tee hee hee

  

Carson gets a mystery letter that makes him all flustered.  Mrs Hughes roots around in the trash and reads it.  It’s from that weaselly Charlie Grigg, who tried to extort money out of Mr Carson way back in Season One! Who thought we’d see him again?    

Secret Agent Elsie Hughes is on the case

Did you root around in my private trash can?

Heck yes I did, and I would do it again!

Mrs Hughes goes to the Ripon House of Mold and Rope, where the former Cheerful Charlie now works. Mrs Hughes sees not-so-cheerful Charlie as an excellent busybody project for sad Isobel, but we think this is the DUMBEST storyline so we aren't even going to talk about it. Seriously it's a waste of sarcasm. Who do you think you're writing for, Julian?

This rope comes pre-infected with tuberculosis

Edith arrives in London and Michael Gregson greets her at the train station. We were distracted by the psychedelic mushrooms on Edith's coat, when Mike invites her to move with him to Germany. WHAT? Like, live in sin?

Hello, BTW want to move in together?

Edith attends a stylish soiree at her boyfriend's flat and switches out that awful coat for a jazzy red flapper dress. There is an almost kiss that gets interrupted by the bartender looking for more gin. Yay gin! I mean... boo, gin.

Getting dumped at the altar has been great for my wardrobe

The next day Edith goes to out to lunch and wears a FABULOUS dress slit all the way up to Scotland!  Scandalous. She smooches Michael in the middle of a crowded restaurant, right in front of God and everybody.

This is my lunch-with-a-married-man dress

I don't think she is wearing a bra

Tom implores Mr Carson to ask Mary to help run the estate. He and Carson are pretty sure that if Robert has his way he will run it into the ground. Again. Carson is certain he doesn't want to be out of a job and also he loves Mary and encourages her to yank up her socks and HELP MANAGE DOWNTON! She is all EXCUSE YOU my husband is dead and also how dare you tell me what to do. Carson frowns but doesn't give up that easily and says FINE if you want to be a saddo, be my guest! But you are not living up to your full potential. 

Carson frowns

At the dinner table, everyone except Robert pesters Mary to start being more interested in running the estate, oh and by the way we need you to host this lunch thing for the tenant farmers. Mary is extra crabby about everyone telling her what to do, because MY HUSBAND IS DEAD. 

Don't you tell me to do a thing

Mary you have to do a thing

NO I WON'T DO A THING. DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Violet follows Mary upstairs and is all, look kid, I know how it is when your husband is dead, but George is a baby and babies don't know anything about running an estate and neither does Robert. You have to do it.

yes well, my husband is dead too.

Thomas tattles on Nasty Nanny West, probably because he is back to his old spiteful ways, but also because he actually liked Sybil and cares about Baby Sybbie. Remember, he cried real tears when she died. Cora catches Nasty Nanny West being cruel to OUR Baby Sybbie and heaves nanny out the window with her superhuman Grandma strength.

Super Grandma is watching you

Super Grandma Powers ACTIVATED

Oh noes! Super Grandma! Ima die!

Oh yeah and back at the beginning of the episode Jimmy invited Ivy to play hookey and go to the pub.  Ivy gets schwasted and pukes in the kitchen yard. Anna brings her inside and dabs at her forehead with a damp towel, like that will help. I won't tell you how I know, but forehead dabbing does NOT cure the drunk pukes.

Dab dab, all better.

Cora, who might be Super Grandma but still has rocks in her head, hires former housemaid and all around dirty girl Edna, who was fired for feeling up Tom last season.  Mrs Hughes, Carson and Tom hold a strategy meeting to establish the rules for having a tramp in the house. We smell trouble.

Edna is a sneaky sneak

Robert discourages Mary from taking a role in overseeing the estate. Robert is not only bossy, he’s dim, and is also dreadful at managing large sums.  Mary suddenly remembers that she doesn’t like anyone telling her what to do and marches downstairs to apologize to Carson, even though he told her what to do but was nice about it.  We are pleased to note that Mary is an ugly crier. She sobs for about one minute and then BING! Done! I guess when you are British, one minute is plenty for a good cry. 

My husband is dead

BOO HOO HOO

She dons a purple dress, which is what second-tier mourners wear, and storms the tenant farmers’ luncheon.  Robert snuffles a little, but Mary’s got her groove back. GO GIRL!

Hmm yes tell me more about that farmer thing.

Recap and jokes by Lillian, 
Editing and more jokes by Jenny

Editors' note: Darn that PBS!  They sneaked Episode Two in without warning us.  We should have known!  We'll get right to work on it and have it as soon as we can.  L&J

Episode 2, Where There's a Will, There's a Way