Sunday, February 2, 2014

Downton Abbey Recap, All the single ladies

To catch up on reading season 3 recaps 

Season 4


Dogbutt says, ARF, do I smell birthday cake?

It's morning at Downton Abbey and we see a few tidy little scenes of some fresh plot hints. Uncle Harold's financial troubles, pigs, no letters for Edith, Mr Napier and Mr Blake are coming to visit, blah blah blah. More important:  what's up with those tiny little feather quilts on all the beds? If two people tried to sleep under that, at least one of them would have her fanny hanging out all cold.  They can't afford queen size comforters?  I don't understand history AT ALL.

Want some of  whatever this is? Gravy or something?
Rose trots up to Cousin Cora's room to talk about her big surprise plan for Robert's Birthday Spectacular Funsplosion.   Cora supposes that since the downstairs staff will have to do all the work, Rose should probably warn them.  Especially Mrs Zipped-Lip Hughes.  For when It's REALLY REALLY A SECRET.

I'm going to get so drunk!

Over at Violet's house, another little tchotchke goes missing and OF COURSE  Lil' Peg gets blamed. Sneaky Spratt with his crookedy eyeballs is suspicious about the WHOLE thing. After that luncheon  debacle with Molesley, we're not sure if we should suspect Spratt or not, but we will just in case. 

Lil' Peg, in the drawing room, with the letter opener 

Those two old farmers, Tom and Mary, wander around a grubby old barn where they plan to park the pigs.  JSYK, the solid gold new business plan is TRAINS pigs, how great it that? Yay pigs! Tom tells Mary he is considering moving to America, because he mistakenly believes Irish immigrants are welcome there.  Might want to check on that, Tom.   Also, Uncle Paul Giamatti Harold seems to be having some problems worse than being wealthy.  Stay tuned. 

So pigs are almost  like bacon,  right?

Lil' Peg,  freshly fired,  walks over to the employment office of Isobel to see if she can find him another job. VIOLET FIRED YOU?  OH NO SHE DID NOT!

Thomas, who is more paranoid than ever, tries to get Mrs Hughes to confirm some of the rumors he imagines he hears. Mrs. Hughes is all, oh I don't know maybe everyone is getting fired?  I wonder how many postwar estates need an UNDER BUTLER?  Hmmm...

That's why her hair is so big,  it's full of secrets.

Isobel goes to visit Violet and punches her for firing Lil' Peg.  Poor-timing Spratt brings in the little tchotchke that OOPS never actually got stolen, it just leaped into the maid's cleaning bucket to get away from Violet.  It probably has germs and lye all over it now but ANYWAY, the point its, Lil'Peg didn't take it. Violet stands her ground and says fine then but he probably stole that other thing. For sure he stole it. Definitely.

Another student in the Top Notch Super Deluxe Cooking School dropped out and YAY Alfred gets to go after all.  But he is leaving like RIGHT NOW.  Poor Daisy, she is RULLY sad. Is it wrong if we're glad Alfred is leaving because now maybe our dream of Daisy and Ivy being BFFs again can come true?  Remember when they were arm in arm and sweet at that oddball carnival in last season's finale?  Yeah, like that.  Also, he keeps making THAT FACE.

 Can you imagine waking up to that every morning?

I suppose Lillian and Marm are right 

Alfred gets all sappy and thanks the family and also calls Mr Carson KIND AND GENEROUS and makes him blush.  Remember that time back in the day when they had spoon school? Their goodbye scene is actually quite poignant and we all bawl when Alfred says a final farewell to Daisy. 

We'll always have spoon school

The unrequited love club says absolutely goodbye forever

Miss Marple Isobel decides to do some good old fashioned Agatha Christie style sleuthing and darned if she doesn't find that dang paper knife HERSELF! She hides behind some bushes until Violet drives away, then raps on the front door.  She fakes a case of the VAPORS so convincingly that Spratt, despite a cock-eyed look or two,  agrees she should be left alone in Violet's study to recover. After rummaging through the desk and peeking under a few pillows--cue dangerous sword sound!--  there's the paper knife, tucked into the side of Violet's chair. Ouch, that thing looks sharp. Hate to sit on THAT.

Infiltrate the scene of the crime
Snoop levels are high
In here? Nope
Behind the thing? Nope
Eureka!  Lil'Peg's honor is restored

Mr Molesley sees Alfred boarding the train to The Top Notch Super Deluxe Cooking School and jogs over to Downton in case Mr Carson maybe might possibly need a footman NOW please? Mr Carson is all OH NO, I wouldn't want to humiliate you by asking you to be a lowly footman, NO JOB FOR YOU GOODBYE. But Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore, who like Molesely and don't mind yanking Carson's chain, get Molesley the footman job after all.  YAY MOLESLEY!  We like you too, pal.

But, I ... uh. 

Miss Marple Isobel, dragging Dr Clarkson behind her for support, stomps over to Violet's house to insist she hire Lil' Peg back, because Violet is WRONGY WRONG WRONG. Violet says, hire him back? I ALREADY DID! Violet somehow manages to be wrong and still win the argument,  a skill we admire.

I can't believe I almost proposed to her

Rich people are so weird

Bates and Anna try to cheer themselves up with date at the Fancy Pantsy Hotel Restaurant where the maitre'd  is a big old snob and can't find their reservation. COINCIDENTALLY, it's the same joint where Cora is attending bunco night and she comes over to say oh hello, Anna dear. Well will you look at that, here is a table after all!  We appreciate Cora putting that glorified busboy in his place, but she is a wild American, after all. Someday she'll be another Martha.

No poor people allowed at bunco night
Is this little worm bothering you Anna?

Oopsy daisy. 

Thats what I thought, now go get my coat. 

Planned Parenthood sends Edith a letter telling her she is PREGNANT, but why that doctor couldn't decide that while she was in his office is anyone's guess because it's not like they had Clear Blue Easy in 1923. He had to think about it some more? The real reason is they needed to stretch this cliffhanger for two episodes, and also provide THIS to read on the screen.

Now there's a surprise.  

Oh yeah, we forgot to mention, Jimmy took Ivy on a date to the movies. They smooch on a bench as pterodactyls scream lovebirds tweet in the trees. How romantic.  But then Jimmy tries to stuff his hand up Ivy's skirt and she is all THE HELL YOU WILL BUSTER! You should have asked us, Ivy, boys are just plain awful. Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore confirm this; boys haven't improved in over a hundred years. 

Do you hear that?
Mr Napier and his unfriendly socialist boss arrive, set to stay for however long the storyline needs them. Mr Crabby and Mary immediately hate each other and snipe and sass back and forth for the rest of the episode.  Turns out Mr Crabby is pretty annoying so we don't like him either.  We DO like Evelyn though, Mary, why don't YOU?

I know you are but what am I?
Jack Ross arrives to play for Robert's Birthday Spectacular Funsplosion, and all the servants gasp and Carson fumbles his teacup, so we know there's never been an AFRICAN at Downton before.  Mr Ross winks and waves at some maids and Carson gives him the stink eye.

Jiminy cricket

Don't even start

Who me?

Upstairs in the nursery, Mary, Isobel and Tom reminisce about falling in love.  It's such a sweet and unguarded scene that we cry a little (no bunny pictures needed!) and hope these three can stay on the same team.

Our husbands (and wife) are dead.
Mary has to sit next to Mr Crabby at dinner and every time he talks she rolls her eyes and sighs loudly. I'll bet she is really regretting trying to be all hospitable. 

No I hate YOU more!
Edith wallows and sighs in the corner of the party and even Robert can tell that something is wrong. There is no good way to explain to your dad that you got pregnant while losing your virginity to your boyfriend who is married to a lunatic and is now lost in Germany, so she says, I'M FINE.

That's just how my face looks
After the party guests are done dancing and having a good time, Mary goes downstairs to ask Mr Ross to send the bill to Robert, and spies Rose splayed across the servant's table (EW, RIGHT?) making out with Jack Ross. Mary stomps her feet on the stairs and says, IS ANYONE DOWN HERE? I WOULDN'T WANT TO WALK IN ON ANYBODY SMOOCHING!  OR, YOU KNOW,  ANYTHING ELSE!

Um...Twenty three skidoo!

I don't know where she hears these things
Mary says well good night then and goes upstairs, but forgets to warn Rose that if she marries the jazz singer her name would be Rose Ross.

Recap and jokes by Jenny
More jokes and picture captions by Lillian

Episode 7, A Desire of Suitors


  1. As always, this made my day better by making me laugh.
    I did like that scene of the widow/ers club in the nursery, too. Very sweet.

  2. Lil Peg, in the drawing room, with the letter opener! That killed me. Also? I can't believe I almost proposed to her. Awesome.

  3. Love this! I'm a little disappointed that it has become so soap operaish, but your review always puts it in the right view.

    Still, there's not much else on Sunday nights at 9:00, so why not?

  4. I love your recaps!!! They make me almost spew my coffee at the computer screen. thanks for blogging.

  5. Loved your recap (found you on Rage Against the Minivan)! Love the screenshots -- especially of Isobel and her sleuthing! This was a really good episode. :)


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