Thursday, February 20, 2014

Downton Abbey Recap, A Desire of Suitors

To catch up on reading season 3 recaps 

Season 4


Dogbutt doesn't understand boyfriends

Mary, Tom, and Edith go visit Mr Drew, whom they plan to hire to take care of the new pigs. Edith has an ulterior motive; she needs to decide if he looks like a good enough baby daddy.

Babies are a lot like pigs

Lord Gillingham wants to COME BACK to Downton, so in desperation Anna tells Mary Mr Green WAS THE ONE.  Mary finally snaps out of narcissism mode and notices that Anna has an ACTUAL problem and can't worry about Mary's love life, which if you think about it has always been the original source of most of Anna's troubles. Mary tries to stop Tony from bringing along Mr Green, but she's too late. And then Mr Bates is kind of mean to Anna about Mr Green which hurts her feelings AND OURS,TOO! He's not exactly being the Best Boyfriend Ever.

me me me me me me me

Way harsh

Ivy gets a letter from Alfred, proposing marriage. Poor Ivy, you can't even say hello to that kid without him thinking you're in love with him. Ivy declines and Daisy is LIVID, but remember when Daisy friend-zoned poor romantic William? You'd think she'd be a little more understanding. Mrs Patmore declares, I've had just about enough out of you two; and so have we.

Having a wonderful time in London let's get married


You're both grounded

Rose meets up with Jack Ross in the next town, and is tickled to get MAJOR STINK EYE from everyone in the tea shop. Tom is in town with Isobel to hit up Barnes and Noble and spies Rose getting handsy with Jack. Tom reports on Rose to Mary, and Mary is all, GOOD GOD NOT AGAIN. Mary says, Rose dear, I'm the first one to admit torturing men a little flirting is fun but SRSLY stop it, and Rose says I DO WHAT I WANT and what I want is to piss off my parents.  As we slouch on the couch we suddenly notice all those ladies had remarkable posture because Rose's backward necklace charm has room to swing freely between her shoulder blades.  We try to sit up a little straighter but only for a few minutes and then we forget again.

Oh, is everyone looking at us?  

Good posture can only get you so far,  darling

Rosamund comes to Downton to eyeball Violet where she and Edith brainstorm about the TOP SECRET STORK PROJECT.  Edith is all, I know this guy who is pretty good with pigs, maybe he can adopt my little bundle!  Rosamund shoots a bunch of holes in Edith's dumb scheme. Of course no one takes the time necessary to plan out a good solid lie, so on the fly Rosamund suggests an extended trip to the Florence Crittenton Home for Unwed Mothers Switzerland to--you know--"learn French".  Perpetually gullible Cora accepts the plan without question, but Violet immediately smells a rat.

The blind leading the blind

Switzerland? Ok!

Mr Green, who clearly DOES NOT know whom he is messing with, is back at Downton with his lovesick boss Lord Gillingham.   Mrs Hughes corners him in the boot room and says, if you value your miserable life, sit down, shut up, and don't cause one more speck of trouble.  Mr Green clearly has a DEATH WISH because at dinner he brags about coming DOWNSTAIRS while Miss Melba was singing. Mr Bates can barely refrain from leaping across the table and stabbing Mr Green in the throat with his fork. We believe Mrs Hughes would hold Mr Green down, if given the chance. 

Your days appear to be numbered

Tony gives all Mary's boyfriends a ride back to London, even Evelyn who will only be missed by Cora.  Edith doesn't care, but it keeps everyone (except Violet) from noticing her distress. 

Who said no one wants to kiss a girl in black?

Violet invites Rosamund and Edith to the dower house for tea and says, OKAY, PINOCCHIO, MIGHT AS WELL JUST TELL ME WHAT'S UP BECAUSE I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH THAT SWITZERLAND RUSE.  So Edith tells, but we are relieved because Violet's ideas are bound to be better than Rosamund's.

leave everything to me

Rose is itching to tell Mary that she and Jack Ross are ENGAGED, SURPRISE! and so Mary has to go to London pronto and FIX IT.  Rose wants to come too, but Mary and Cora SHUT HER RIGHT DOWN.  In London Mary drops by to flirt with   order Tony to dismiss Green. He doesn't really want to but since Mary said he must, he agrees. While Anna is away with Mary, Bates takes a day trip to London  YORK to see a man about a horse. Sounds legit.  

You can't sit with us

A Rose by any other name is still a flake

If you fire Green,  I might let you kiss me again
On the road doing some estate-running chore, Tom finds Sarah Bunting, the teacher from the political meeting, stranded near her broke ass car.  Since Tom was a chauffeur he knows just what to do.  Miss Bunting is impressed with his big muscles but snarks on his fancy in-laws.
I can fix it!
Lord Merton, Mary's godfather, is in town and Violet invites him over for lunch. Remember that awful Larry who slipped a roofie into Tom's drink at Mary's rehearsal dinner?  HIS DAD.  Everybody else is too busy to attend except Edith (duh) and Isobel, whose calendar is pretty light these days.  To their surprise, Lord Merton, a widower, takes a shine to Isobel.

this party's bumpin'

 So you're Dead Matthew's mother! 

Sorry about that, Dead Matthew's Mother

Sort of like the annual cricket game, the CHURCH BAZAAR is another one of those corny local events that sneaks up on the Grantham clan while they are preoccupied with their own wealth.  HALP!  CHURCH BAZAAR AHEAD!  HALP! With Robert abroad solving the Teapot Dome Scandal, Cora is in charge.  Cora may be dumb as a bag of hammers as far as her family goes, but she apparently puts on a jumpin' BAZAAR.  Robert arrives home in time to heap praise on her empty hat.

Where's my dog?

Molesley is head over heels for Baxter and flexes those legendary cricket arms to RING THE BELL which must be harder than it looks.  We'd rather see him score big at WHACK A RAT, a game nobody seems interested in playing.  Shall we nickname them Baxley or Molster?

Go ahead and RING THE BELL, Mr Molesely

Oooh!  Aaaah!

Daisy takes the day off to visit THE BEST FATHER-IN-LAW EVER and gets some wise advice about Alfred. Mr Mason even makes up a basket of jelly-and-pickle sandwiches to give Alfred as a goodbye present.  MAN, DO WE LIKE MR MASON!  Mrs Patmore is truly proud of brave little Daisy and we are reminded that she really is the closest thing to a daughter Mrs Patmore has.   Sniff.

Not that guy that looks like Beaker?

Ships in the night, eh, Daisy?

Maybe next season, sweetheart

Tony follows Mary back to Downton to report that he didn't get a chance to fire GREEN BECAUSE HE SEEMS TO HAVE FALLEN UNDER A BUS. Yesterday. While Mr Bates was in "YORK". Wow, what a totally weird and random coincidence.  And don't look now but CHARLES BLAKE IS HERE, TOO.  Enough already, Mary.

He is hella dead

Dead you say? Whatever, Yolo.

Dead? Bummer. I have no idea how that might have happened.

Recap and jokes by Jenny
More jokes and picture captions by Lillian

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, Debutantes and Tiaras 


  1. This episode was overloaded with random plot lines. And I'm already weary of Edith.
    Sitting up straighter now, too.

  2. I love your recaps so much! I sat up straighter for a minute (okay, less than a minute), too!


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