Hello Downton fans! We are sorry this week's recap was so late; sometimes LIFE just gets in the way. Also some workers accidentally dug up Charter's fiberoptic cables, and so the internet was out for a while, from Sacramento all the way up to Oregon. Next week's will be a little late too since it takes us most of the week to write each one. Don't worry though, we will soldier on and not give up!
|Conveniently timed trip to America|
Robert tells Bates to pack his shiz TODAY, which would of course be awful for dear Anna. Mrs Hughes saves the day by recruiting Mary to Team Anna, and Mary convinces Robert to take Thomas instead, because reasons.
|Because I say so, thats why!|
|rebels without a cause Americans can understand|
Back at Dowton, we are suddenly on the set of an After School Special. Troubled daughter Edith asks her mom, do you think I'm BAD? Cora smooths Edith's brow and assures her that even though she may have BAD FEELINGS, and lord knows she sure says some awfully nasty things, as long as she doesn't ACT on those gruesome impulses everything be just fine. Edith feels MUCH worse because of course mom has no idea what Edith is hinting at. The two are dressed in matching hippie tops and decide to go do yoga. Namaste!
|Maybe he's just not that into you|
Mary is on Team Anna now, but pries too much and rubs salt in Anna's wounds. We just want Anna to feel happy again, but we wish she would tell Mary about Mr Green.
|C'mon, can't you tell me? Aren't we Best Girl Friends?|
Mrs Patmore and Mrs Hughes have
|Can't you just lock all the doors?|
|I'm never going to be happy and this time it's all your fault|
|Hello Alfred, um we have the flu so you better go.|
|Beat it, kid|
|I do wish someone would invent good birth control|
Meanwhile on Planet Bougie, Rose and Jack make out on
|Draw me like one of your French girls|
|This is the most uncomfortable headboard in all the land|
|dabdabdab now isn't that better?|
|Ew, where are all those tubes and stuff supposed to go?|
Isobel can't go with Tom to the political rally, where he meets a sassy modern girl, Sarah Bunting. Tom is still twitchy from that whole Edna disaster though and keeps his distance. We suspect this one has a chip on her shoulder anyway, Tom.
|No flirting in an election year please|
Mary insists on walking with Mister Blake to see the NEW PIGS to prove she CAN TOO be the boss of Downton Abbey, but suddenly there is a PORCINE EMERGENCY! The water troughs are empty! Make mud, and lots of it! Don't go get help from anyone who knows what they are doing, like how to get water INTO THE BUCKET instead of on the ground! Be rude to each other! Many gallons of water later, they sit on a hard bench with their feet in cold mud and pig poop, instead of ANYWHERE in the dry barn, and YES, REALLY throw mud at each other and laugh like that's going to happen ever. Seriously, what show is this?
|Anything you can do, I can do better|
|I can do anything better than you|
|No you can't|
|Yes I can yes I can yes I can|
Later in the kitchen, and I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP, Mary scrambles some eggs and they sit on kitchen stools and drink wine she swiped from Mister Carson's office. Ivy comes in at dawn and can't believe HER eyes, either. Mary goes upstairs to bed and we are left wondering if she took a bath first or just got into her bed all covered in pig poop.
|I'm here to clean up the trichinosis germs you got all over this whole kitchen|
|My pigs bring all the boys to the yard|
Violet recovers, so apparently there is no Harry Potter movie coming, and Doctor Clarkson tells her Isobel saved her life with the magic towel and forehead dabbing and Violet should really be nicer to her. They play gin. Gin is a card game that seems to be mostly about MATH. I'd rather have bronchitis.
|I'll go get the cards, k?|
Mister Green appears with Tony Gillingham, and Mrs Hughes gives him the EVIL EYE so hard. Mister Green must have a death wish though because he tells everyone he CAME DOWNSTAIRS DURING THE NELLIE MELBA concert. Now Mister Bates knows for sure and can start planning to kill him, just as Anna feared. We hope your affairs are in order, buster, even though NO DEATH IS PAINFUL ENOUGH FOR YOU.
|I'll show him what "housekeeping" really means|
|I've got this one, Mrs Hughes|
Recap and jokes by Jenny
More jokes and picture captions by Lillian
More jokes and picture captions by Lillian